Grayson's 1st Christmas

Grayson's 1st Christmas was so fun! He is such a joy :)

I had so much fun taking Christmas pictures of him in this hat!

Like... seriously..... :D

Our sweet family is such a blessing to me! 

And having Grayson with us this Christmas is the best gift of all :)

Daddy sure loves his boy!

Grayson has such cute expressions lately! He is so much fun to watch and play with!

I love love love my boy!

He is so wonderful!

My present!

and of course.. Christmas toes!!!!

6 Months

My little man is 1/2 a year!!!

So hard to believe that he is already 6 months old. Seems like we just brought him home yesterday, but at the same time I can hardly remember what life was like without him. 

This month Grayson has really started to hit some major developmental milestones 

and it has been quite possibly my favorite month thus far! 

My little smiley boy can now...

LAUGH 

seriously the best thing ever!

ROLL OVER 

both ways! 

EAT SOLIDS

he has started to eat like a big boy... 

we have tried mushed bananas mixed with breastmilk, regular baby food (applesauce and prunes) and baby cereal. He has handled them all like a champ and has never choked, spit up, or puked even once! 

Grayson is still barely 9 pounds - my lil peanut boy :) 

He is long and skinny and just perfect in every way! He is still in newborn clothes although the pants are getting short. But the pants in the next size up fall right off his hips! 

I may have to get creative and pull out the sewing machine... 

Grayson is such a joy!

 I finally feel like I'm settling into my new role as his mommy.

It took me quite a while but I'm getting the swing of things. I know I have a lot more to learn but overall I just feel more comfortable and confident. 

I have come to learn that motherhood is not just a choice, it is a divine calling from God himself.

The Lord has chosen me to be Grayson's mom. To do my best to listen to His voice and raise my son in a way that honors God. It is no easy task but there is nothing else I'd rather be doing. 

I am so incredibly thankful.

 Not a day goes by that I don't completely know how truly blessed I am to have this beautiful little boy in my life. 

My Sweet Grandma Noll

Today marks 7 years that my sweet great grandmother has been gone. This year has been particularly hard for me for some reason. I just really miss her. So I want to write this post in honor of her memory. Below is something I wrote just after she passed. And I read it at her funeral:

My Grandma Noll

12/16/1923-12/11/2006

My grandma died December 11th 2006. She was my hero, my angel, my strength and my world. She was always there for me. My whole life, she was the only one that I knew I could always count on. She took my mom, who was pregnant with me at the time, in to live with her when my mom had nowhere else to go. When I was born, I was the apple of her eye. When I would cry, she would rock me all throughout the night. As I got older, she would walk me to the bus stop and she was always there to greet me when I got home. She was always supportive and always so filled with love for her family. She spoiled me and loved every second of it. She taught my how to ride my first 2-wheeler bike. She was there for me every birthday I ever had. And even on days that weren't necessarily special, she made every ordinary day extraordinary with her love. Every day, every step I took, ever breath I breathed, I knew my Grandma Noll was there for me. She was my hero.

Growing up she practically raised me. We lived with her until I was 4 years old. Even after we moved out, I spent a lot of time at her house. Grandma Noll always had all the right toys, all the best food and the greatest movies. I loved going to grandma's house. Looking back what made her house so special was her loving presence. She was my whole world. 

When I would have bad days, she was there. Often times there wasn't much spoken aloud, but she was there and her loving presence made me strong. I would sit on her lap and she would hold me and somehow everything got better. I only stopped sitting on her lap when I was about 12 because I was afraid of hurting her. But she was such a strong woman and her inner strength is what I needed to help me go on with life. She was my strength. 

As she got older, she didn't always have much to say, but she would sit back and watch us, her beloved family, with a smile on her face. She was so happy and her presence made us feel safe. She was the cornerstone of our family. I know that even after I moved away, she thought of me and prayed for me every day. She was my angel.

Now that she is gone I can't help but feel like a large part of me is missing. Her presence and her love was what my whole life was built on. On the other hand, I realize that who I have become as a young adult has her virtues and example of love written all over it. Who she was has been integrated onto me and that will never die. Her spirit lives on, in the hearts of her family. How she impacted our lives will never leave us. We are her family and she loved us so much. 

When she was in that hospital bed and she could not speak because of the oxygen mask, I remember the look in here eyes was just screaming "I love you!" On Sunday morning she was doing so well. They even took the oxygen mask off of her (she hated that thing). Once it was off, she was able to talk and even laugh a little. I would hold her hand and she would hold onto mine so tight. She stared into my eyes for half an hour at one point. I told her I loved her and she said "I love you too." That moment meant everything to me. I am so blessed to have had that experience with her in her last days. When I had to leave I said "Bye, Grandma!" And she responded, "Bye, Honey." I will never forget that day. It was the last time I got to see my favorite person in the whole world. Her presence changed my life. I will never forget this sweet, loving, amazing woman: my Grandma Noll.

Grayson's 1st Meal

Grayson is getting to be such a big boy! 

We had quite the monumentous day today and it was so fun! 

My little man had his first big boy meal today! It was a chunk of banana blended with breast milk. I was so nervous to give it to him because he is still so little and I was nervous he would choke or his digestive system wouldn't be able to handle it but he did great!! 

These firsts with him are so fun! I just wanna capture every little moment when I can! 

5 Things I've Learned in My First 5 Months of Being a Mom

There is so much more to being a mom than I ever thought there would be. Before the Lord blessed our lives with baby Grayson, my view of parenthood was extremely limited. I never knew that being a mom would require ALL of me, ALL of the time. I didn't think that my life would change that much. I didn't know my heart would be full of love and joy, while at the same time, so overwhelmed, exhausted and frustrated. And I had no idea how blessed my life would become because of him. So the following are some of the things I have learned thus far. I'm sure there will be so much more to learn in the days to come. That's part of the beauty of it all, I am constantly learning!

1.) Motherhood will be the best thing and the hardest thing you'll ever enter into. Recently I read a blog that said something along these lines "you will suck at this mom gig and be awesome at it all at the same time" and I cannot express how true I have found that to be. So much of having your first child is a guessing game. You are clueless. And you do your best to try to figure out how to help your little one. Sometimes, you will nail it! And other times you will feel entirely helpless while your child cries all day long and you pull out your hair, put your head in your hands and cry right along with him. You will have some of the best days of your life while you watch your baby learn and grow. His first smile will take your breath away, his first laugh will bring you more joy than you've ever known possible. Motherhood is the best, most beautiful journey I've ever been on. On the other hand, you will also have the worst days; where you're simply at the end of yourself and you have nothing left to give but you have no choice but to keep on giving because he needs you. It's a beautiful mess :)

2.) Being a mom changes EVERYTHING. If you are anything like me pre-baby, you think that life will obviously change a little once you bring that little bundle home but overall things will stay the same. WRONG! It changes everything. Absolutely everything. Having a baby changes your sleep, your daily schedule, what you can and cannot do, when (and IF) you get to shower... ect. Your life now revolves around another person whether or not you want to admit it. Becoming a mom will change your perspective on life, your attitude, your actions, your priorities. It will change you in so many more ways than you'll ever expect, but it's all for the better.

3.) Don't over indulge in baby books and google searches. The best thing you can do for yourself and for your child is to STOP reading all the books and methods that other people swear by. The only thing you need to read is your baby. He is trying to communicate with you. Put down your phone, computer and books, and LISTEN to him. You may get it wrong 100 times before you finally figure it out but you will come out of it not just learning a method, but instead you'll learn more about your child, his personality and his specific needs. We live in the age of instantly available information where everyone has an opinion or a perfect 5 step method to solve all of your parenting troubles. The internet is a funny place. You can find "facts" in an article and then just as easily turn around and find another article that completely contradicts the first with its own set of "facts". And as a brand new mom who feels totally clueless, it's so hard not to get sucked in to all of it. Now I'm not saying that a small, healthy amount of research isn't necessary sometimes. But in my experience thus far, getting caught up in all the information did nothing but distract me from learning my baby. 

4.) Raising a child takes a village. That is an old saying that suggests that raising children takes more than just a mom or a dad. It takes a community of people. And I would definitely have to agree. The more love my child can receive the better, not to mention we as moms need all the support and encouragement we can get! If you don't have a good extended family, search out a good community of people to surround you and your little family. Whether it's church or other young families. Don't try to do it all alone. For your sake and the sake of your little one. 

5.) Being a mom is a GIFT. Finally, probably the most important thing I have learned is that my son is nothing short of a God ordained, undeserved, extension of His grace and blessings on my life. And that my new role as a mother is not a new "job" or an extra duty on my list. It is a gift, a privilege, one that I certainly don't deserve. But for whatever reason, the Lord has chosen me to be a mother to a beautiful boy who will grow up to do great things. On the hard days when I find myself being overwhelmed and frustrated with Grayson, I try my best to be mindful of how great a gift he is to me. That reminder always seems to straighten me out and give me more grace and patience. 

In the days to come, I know there will be so much more to learn and discover and I look forward to that opportunity. In my few months of being a mom, there is rarely a day that goes by that I am not challenged to be better or in which I don't learn a new life lesson. And when I think about it, I'm so thankful that the Lord has designed it that way, because my son deserves my best, and I can always be better. 

5 months

My baby is 5 months old today!! How does this happen so fast??

Not only does Grayson coo now, but he has started to squeal! 

He is the cutest, funnest baby on the planet!!!

Grayson continues to fill our lives with joy each day. Watching him grow and learn is so fun!

He is full of personality!

Grayson is a little over 9 pounds and doing great! He is active and smiley. He finally has gotten to the point where he enjoys tummy time and he kicks his legs like he wants to crawl. He has also decided that he doesn't like it when I leave the room. Ha :) He likes to be with mom at all times! Grayson is doing really good at sleeping at night. Usually he only wakes up once or twice - unless he is going through a growth spurt or isn't feeling well. Overall he is just doing great!

Haha his expressions crack us up all day long!

November is one of my favorite months. It always reminds me to count my blessings and be mindful of how greatly the Lord has provided for me. 

Obviously this year, what I am most thankful for his my sweet son :)

Being a mom is such a gift from the Lord. I thought marriage taught me a lot about the Lord, and it has, but being a mom has taught me even more about the heart of my Heavenly Father. I have learned more patience, love, endurance, selflessness and self control than I have ever known before. I am being challenged and strengthened each day through this sweet boy. 

We are so very thankful :)

4 Months

Our little man is 4 months old!!! 

And getting cuter and cuter each day - if that's even possible!

Grayson has started to coo back and forth with us and it's the cutest thing EVER! He is really finding his voice and it's so fun to listen to him :)

Grayson hit a MAJOR growth spurt this month...

All he wanted to do, all day long, was nurse and sleep!! (Mostly nurse)

I am so grateful that he is growing but goodness it was quite a challenge on this momma!!!

Grayson has really started to come into his own little personality! He's pretty particular on how he likes things done... I really thought he was going to be pretty easy going but boy was I wrong... I guess between me and his daddy he was bound to be this way ;)

Just for an example... When Grayson is nursing and I have to switch him over to the second breast, he gets so mad at me! He throws his hands in the air, throws his head back, and cries!

 SO. MUCH. DRAMA. Lol!! 

Even through all his challenging moments, this boy is the joy of my life. He is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen and I still cannot believe that I get to be his mommy! I feel so blessed.

Another fun memory from this month is that when Grayson nurses and starts to fall asleep, I tickle under his cheek and he curls up and smiles... Oh gosh it's just the cutest thing ever :) There are so many fun memories that we make each day and I don't want to forget this sweet time with my boy. 

Grayson is still in newborn clothes... He is my perpetual newborn... Lol. Most days I am just thankful that I get to enjoy his tiny-ness for so long, while there are hard days and I just wish he were big enough to better communicate his needs, because sometimes I am just clueless. Right when I think I have him figured out, he changes and I am once again lost. Haha... 

Welcome to mommy hood I guess! 

I read a quote the other day that said

"You will suck at this parenting gig and be awesome at it all at the same time"

That has just about described my month!

And of course my post would not be complete without my favorite thing ever... 

his sweet baby toes! 

PS I LOVE FALL!!!

Who's in Control?

Recently I have been so challenged to be better at self control. So many times in this life I find myself being controlled by my flesh or by the things that are comfortable, that I end up becoming complacent and apathetic. There's nothing worse than being run by your flesh and not even caring. 

The way that Satan keeps me in this trap is so sneaky sometimes. Because he convinces me that I'm not doing anything wrong. But when I step back to look at things and pray, the Lord reveals to me how I am so driven by my flesh. When it becomes almost impossible to change my diet because I can't say no to my favorite foods: that's a problem. When I can't find the motivation to exercise because I don't feel like it: that's a problem. When I know that my attitude needs an adjustment but I don't work on it because it's difficult and uncomfortable: that's a problem. 

This is one of the main reasons I love running. It's a constant challenge to keep going, to push myself, to say no to everything in me that is screaming STOP! YOU CANT DO THIS!! But I push through, I keep going, not because it's comfortable but because I am reaching towards a goal. It's a great exercise not only for my body but for my mind and spirit. 

Running is about being actively challenged. And so many times we forget that as Christans, we too are being actively challenged on a moment by moment basis. Are we going to press on? Or give in to temptation? Will we give up the comfort of flesh to become more holy, more like Christ? I know I certainly want more of HIM and less of me. I don't want to be mastered by the pride of life and the temptations that are all around me. I want to be better. I need to be better. 

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith. 

Hebrews 12:1-2 ESV

Being a Mom :)

I never knew having a baby would be so fun! I absolutely love every part of being Grayson's mom. From the good times to the hard times, all of it is so wonderful. The good days fill my heart with joy and the hard days teach me how to be better for him. Looking back on some of the hardest days, I am so grateful because without them I would not have learned the lessons I needed as a new mom. I have learned more patience, love, and selflessness than I have ever known before. The Lord works on my heart every day through this little man :)

 Even changing his diaper is a blessing. I find myself having fun doing the simple things with him. :) he smiles and plays with me when I pull him over to change him. There's nothing better! 

His little feet are always one of my favorite things. :) someday I won't get to nibble on his little toes and I always want to remember the tiny-ness of my sweet boy :)

Most days we have a time where we lay on the floor and read. I can't even express how much I love reading with him. He looks at the pages and then back at me. He loves books and it's so precious!

This little boy :) I think when I dreamed of having a baby, I thought of it as something fun to do, something exciting, and just the obvious next step in life. Little did I know it would change everything. My whole life is different now. Priorities, responsibilities, activities, desires, opinions... So much has changed but I wouldn't trade this new life for anything in the world. 

Today we bundled up and ran errands together! Mundane tasks become so fun when I get to look down and see that sweet little face!!!
I never want to take these days for granted. From play time to reading books to his sweet smiles and changing his diaper. Every part of being his mommy is an amazing blessing and I am SO thankful for him! 

Family

I am so incredibly thankful for my family

Since the Lord has blessed our lives with Grayson, my perspective on life has changed a lot and I cannot express enough how very thankful I am to have a family of love surrounding my sweet son.

Family is such a gift. It is just one of the many ways that the Lord shows His love for us. He created us to live in unity, in community with others, and specifically with our family. He knew we needed each other. Through our families, He builds us up, tears us down and teaches us right from wrong, in a safe environment which allows us to grow and thrive. He points us toward Himself, and lavishes His love on us through our family. 

We are so blessed!

It was one of those days...

Honestly, today has been a very rough and off day for baby Grayson and me. 

It was a busy day - Benjy's 27th birthday. I had a super fun scavenger hunt planned with clues and gifts to hide all over downtown. Everything went great until...

It was time to put the clues together, wrap the mini gifts, and put them in their places. The second I set Grayson down, he began to scream. I tried to fix it a few times but the moment I would put him down again... You guessed it - more screaming. So finally I decided I just had to let him cry because I had a lot to do in a very small time frame. 

The screaming never stopped. 

The pressure got to me. I lost my cool. I screamed in anger. It will be a day I never forget and never want to relive. 

But at the same time, I want to remember it in a way. I never want to get to that place again. And I want to keep in mind the constant grace that is extended to me continually, undeservedly. 

God has entrusted Grayson to my care. And I never want to take that lightly. Grayson is a blessing. A blessing I do not deserve. And I pray that in days to come, God will grant me the strength and patience I need to keep that in mind. 

As you can imagine... The rest of the day was filled with apologies and snuggles. I never want this to happen again - he deserves so much better. I love my boy. 

3 Months

3 months ago today our lives changed forever! 

Grayson has become the most precious part of our lives and we feel so blessed each and every day. 

Grayson is still just a peanut :) 

He barely weighs 8 pounds and wears newborn sizes.

I guess one advantage of having a premie is that you get to enjoy their tiny-ness for longer! 

(Although he will ALWAYS be MY peanut:)

Staying home with him has been such a blessing! I just love watching him grow and change. He is such a good baby! 

Grayson's developments:

He responds to us with coos and smiles when we play and talk with him. 

His gas issues are improving.

He sleeps one 6-hour stretch almost every night. (YES!)

He is a very happy baby overall.

His Smile

Grayson has started to smile!

Honestly, there is nothing more precious in this world to me, than his sweet smile.

He was about 10 weeks old (4 weeks adjusted age) when he intentionally smiled at me for the first time. The joy that filled my heart cannot be expressed in words! 

I sure love this kid!

Two Months/Family Photoshoot

Grayson has started a whole new phase. He is out of his very sleepy "premie" phase and now is into a true newborn phase.

He is awake and alert. It's so fun!

We  are adjusting to our live as a family of 3 very well. No real big bumps in the road, no crazy fights or overtired insanity... We are just content, blessed and enjoying every second with our sweet boy!

Daddy's arms :)

One of my favorite things is seeing Benjy love on Grayson. There is just something about the love of a father that doesn't compare to anything else in this world. Words cannot express how thankful I am that Grayson knows the love of an amazing daddy!

Being his mommy has been the happiest time in my life. My heart is so full and I am so thankful! 

I am happy to report that WE MADE IT! Grayson is now officially EXCLUSIVELY BREASTFEEDING! It was quite the challenge! But one day I just decided that I don't care if I have to feed him every hour, we are DOING this! Lol :) And we did it! I think it was partially my determination but largely thanks to his development. The lactation consultants told me that around his due date he would really catch on and they were right! I am so excited! I love breastfeeding him!

People told me "Oh there's nothing that will ever compare to the way you will love your children" and without experiencing it I would just smile and nod. But goodness I really  had no idea. Grayson has become the joy of my life and I am so in awe that the Lord chose me to be his mommy!

I love love love him!

And of course... my favorite...

THESE BABY TOES!

Thank you so much to Lacey Anevicius for doing this super fun family shoot for us! We will certainly cherish these pictures for a lifetime!