This morning I had a very refreshing time with the Lord. I sat and read my Bible for about an hour, then I felt led to read through a couple friends' current blogs. Two of my friends are on a 11 month, 11 country missions trip right now and they blog regularly. If I am being entirely honest, lately I have not kept up with their blogs. I have gotten to a place where I am just too busy with "me" and my own life and I haven't even been doing my regular devotions. But as I read through their most recent posts, my heart began to break for the sick, famined, impoverished, lonely, destitute people in the world that most of us in our "american-dream-fairytail-life" never give a second thought about. And then my heart and mind's eye was opened once again to the memories of living in Africa. All the people I met, all the children I held and played with, all the people I prayed for and watched come to the Lord. All the poverty I saw, all the broken people I came to know... Have I forgotten? I feel as if overtime, I have become the comfortable, Americanized Christian that I used to detest. Those people still exist. Those people are still hurting. How could I have gotten to this place of complacency?
Tears began to roll down my cheeks. My heart was and is still so burdened for the hurting people in this world. For all those who are so hungry for the love of Christ. And for all the sick, dying, lonely, scared, starving children. All I want is to go hold them, play with them, and share the love of Jesus with them. Then I began to wonder why the Lord has me here. I am not in a position now, being a newlywed, that I can just pick up and go to Africa, as my heart was screaming for me to do. So why do I feel this way... Why does every fiber of my being want to jump on the next plane to Africa and spread the Gospel?
Then I was gently reminded from the Lord, I felt Him say,
"Don't you understand? This heart of brokenness for the hurting, lost people of the world is a small taste of how I hurt for them. I want you to have my heart of compassion. I will use you in my timing, in ways that you may not expect. But I never want you to lose this feeling. This is my heart."
So then, as tears continued stream down my face, I fell to my knees in prayer, with a completely overwhelmed heart. I prayed for Africa, I prayed for the people that are out in the field spreading the love of Christ, I prayed for those who are hurting, for the children who are starving, and the young girls being forced into the sex trade. I began to intercede for the lost and broken.
Then I finally realized, this is the way we as Christians are supposed to be. If the love of Christ lives in us, we are supposed to have compassion that leads to prayer and action in helping those who are in need. I do not know how the Lord plans to use me to further his kingdom...But for now, I will sit here, with a broken heart, and pray.
